hello, january

(Also posted in my other blog,  irreverendmar.blogspot.com)

The past several weeks have been full of stuff  for me, and since I've never considered blogging to be anywhere at the top of my list of priorities, all my blogs have been fairly silent through last December.  I hadn't made any heartwarming Christmassy posts, or thought-provoking New Year-related ones, tsk tsk.  It's still January though, and I reckon I can still blog about my thoughts on the start of the year.


I'm not a New Year's Resolution sort of person.  Never believed in resolutions.  I'm more into setting goals for myself, with specified target dates and target numbers. Having goals instead of resolutions, i.m.h.o., is more conducive to productivity and affords a sense of accomplishment when reached.  But ha ha, here I am this year with some resolutions instead of goals this time.

I've mostly set and reached similar goals every year (it's usually along the lines of Get x ministry rolling by y quarter of year, Read z number of books by December 31, Lose n pounds by m month), and though they are all good, life-enriching goals, I've gotten quite tired of them.  I usually have them written out  at the start of each year, but I haven't gotten to doing that just yet.  I probably will in the next few days, knowing that  my obsessive self will never forgive the lapse.  But in the meantime, I find myself having a of list things that seem more like silly resolutions.  Whaddyaknow.

 Those resolution thingies were sparked some wekends ago while I was having a late lunch/ early dinner with an old friend from high school.  As we were bound to do, we mused about our early teenage years and laughed about how old and ricketty we've become and yadda.  It was just a few days after Christmas, so we naturally went into our thoughts on how to make 2014 a better year.  One of the things we brought up was the fact that we're both just a few years to forty, and it's about time we invest in better quality stuff.  i.e., it's fine to wear a ratty top or tote a cheap bag when you're in your twenties, but when you still do it past thirty, it has a vibe of being irresponsible.  And it's just plain ugly.  Besides, why go for cheap, low-quality stuff when you can afford something better now? Go for well-made stuff, high-quality, the real deal.  It isn't just about comfort or excess; it has more to do with being respectable and responsible.

So anyway, we spewed out some good ideas that day so we decided to write things down (she in her smartphone, and I in my handy dandy, low-tech notepad).  This isn't the kind of thing I can easily write in goal form, so I settled with sticking to a resoltion-type to-do list. It kinda started out with getting better stuff (i.e., buy a smartphone), but things eventually rolled toward being a better person.  Such as, learning new skills, seeing new places, and basically leveling up as a human being - but that's just basic yearly stuff.  One of the more "special" things we agreed on is that we ought to become more visible to our godchilren, because yes, that's what respectable, responsible people do.

Margaret is my first-ever goddaughter.  I think she's graduating.
Her mom had her when she was quite young, now she makes us feel real old.

I had my list pretty much down pat when I wnet home that evening, and I re-wrote it on a clean sheet of paper that I taped to my desk.  I thought my list ended at "Be a better godmother", but I added the most important thing a few days later.

At the bottom of my list, I had added Be A Blessing.  I'd like to try my best at purposely being a living, breathing, walking, talking, blessing. I know, Iknow, it's something that the Christianity Clause sort of implies.  But I've been following Christ for some time now, and I can't really say I consistently provide a positive experience for everyone I encounter.  Since I'm doing resolutions this year, I might as well have it in there.  Be someone who makes people feel blessed, loved, or just plain happy.  Because that's what respectable, responsible Christians do.

Oh dear, that's a lot of work.  I feel like scratching it out already.

The decisive moment came one afternoon, after an encounter with a particularly unpleasant cab driver.  I had reacted to his cantankerousness by going on b*tch-mode, pretty much ruining his day.  Other people would likely affirm  me by saying that the guy had it coming, but I'm pretty sure Jesus would tell me to turn the other cheek.  Tsk tsk.  Besides, they guy was a cab driver.  He's apparently less fortunate than I am; shame on me for not being more sympathetic toward a guy who's trying to make an honest living but is probably just on the 22nd straight hour of a bad day.

As I sat at home alone, I went into full-on remorse for being such a pathetic excuse for a social being. It's more or less socially acceptable these days to get all aggressive when someone offers you bad service (and it's even applauded in some circles), but being demanding is one thing, being b*tchy is a whole other. B*tchy doesn't really help anyone involved. It certainly didn't help the possibly-tired cab driver, and it didn't make me a better person.

Not immediately anyway.  But I hope to make something out of the remorse and the realizations that came after the experience.  Like what they say about life giving you lemons ...

So I resolved to Be A Blessing.  I'm not just talking about "doing random good deeds"; I mean more like "be less of a b8tch" and "be more intentionally refreshing". Ayown. It's not natural for me; it's the sort of thing I have to remind myself about.  It's always been easier for me to be a bitchessa than a blessing.  MUCH easier.  Believe me, I've tried my best, but at some point in the past several years, I decided to give up altogether because I'm just not good at being likable.  But being a blessing has less to do with being likable and more to do with what's doing right and proper.  I just want to be it because it's life-affirming, inspiring, nurturing; not just for myself but for the lives around me.

So this year, on top of acquiring better things for myself, I'm acquiring a better "blessing persona" - well-made stuff, high-quality, the real deal.  Because that's what respectable, responsible Christians do.   Why go for low-quality when you can afford better, right?

how i got started on eating healthier

It was just last year when I decided to take "healthy eating" more deliberately, purposely removing certain things from the grocery list and opting for more fresh (ish) vegetables and fruits.  I wasn't really attempting to lose weight (although I admit, that would be a pleasant side effect); I just wanted to do what I could to make myself less prone to fatigue, heart failure and other ailments when I get older.  There isn't any way to quantify the effects of my food choices, but I do feel proud of myself that I ... wait, what is it exactly am I proud of?  ^_^  Proud that I care about what I put into my body?  Proud that I've set a strategy of sorts and stuck to it?  Proud that I don't feel like such a heifer?  All of the above, I suppose.  Plus the added benefit of better well-being.  The point is, I feel good about myself.

my easy plan of sorts

A good intention doesn't amount to much unless there's some sort of plan to make it happen.  And a plan isn't much of a plan unless it's doable and time-defined.  It's a good idea, me thinks, to set out with a soft start if the goal seems overwhelming.  I initially took it easy on myself and set objectives that I knew I could accomplish.

I started by declaring that every Monday is Meatless Monday.  Just every Monday - not a huge lifestyle shift there.  I could eat anything I wanted, as much as I wanted, as long as I don't eat meat of any sort.   No starvation required.

As I got used to the occasional meatlessness, I extended the no-meat policy to every dinner.  Just dinners - I can eat what I want during the day, as long as dinners are light, like soup and crackers or tomato juice and carrot sticks.  Seriously, I grew to love the taste of raw vegetables, and veggies became my new snack craving.

Of course all this entailed overhauling our regular grocery list too. Out with the processed, the high-fructose, the reconstituted, the overly sugary.  Okay, not entirely "out", but more like limiting severely.  In with the fresh and green.

I then permitted myself to have soda on the weekends only.  Eventually my liking for soda waned until I no longer needed to bother restricting myself.

I also adopted the habit of drinking a fiber-drink in the morning (or before pigging out), to make me feel full without eating so much, and to ensure I make, er, regular deposits.  Every now and then I take a spoonful of coconut oil (for its various benefits) and sometimes I have a relaxing drink of tea before bedtime.

Just recently, I phased out dairy milk and replaced it with soy / almond milk, and did away with the usual cooking oil and substituted coconut oil.  I also added No-Carb Wednesday to the Weekly Schedule, In addition to Meatless Monday. So far so good.

how i've seen it's good for me

There's no way to tell for sure if there's any direct correlation between my new eating habits and my general feeling of wellness, but I've observed I've become less prone to depression and fatigue.  I sleep a lot better too.  That's gotta be good.

I didn't set out to lose weight at first, but last I checked, I lost some eight pounds.  So now I think I should set a weight goal as well.  But I need to buy a new weighing-scale first.  :p

Eventually, the Hubby voluntarily went in on the "healthy eating" attempts too.  He saw the notes I posted on the door, and he apparently thought it was a good idea.  I initially didn't think of inviting him to Meatless Monday and No-Carb Wednesday because I was pretty sure he would hate it, but then he started doing it on his own too.  ^_^

One of the best benefits is that my new habits have curbed my cravings - it isn't so difficult to resist unhealthy eats anymore.  It's not that I prevent myself from having them (I actually don't believe in depriving oneself of of enjoyable food) but it has just become more natural for me to want healthier options.  I used to be able to gobble a large bag of potato chips in one sitting, but potato chips aren't as interesting anymore; I still love them, but I'm neither interested nor able to eat as much.  My craving for sugary sweets has also lessened somewhat.

and next

I still intend to keep up the healthier eating habits.  I'm thinking of adding "Fat Free Friday" to the weekly schedule, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.  :)  Maybe a Fat-Free Thursday is more manageable.

painting again

In the last few days of my Vegas visit, I spent some time painting again.  It's been a long while since I put my brushes to a canvas, and it felt nice being reunited with my "old friends".  A perfect opportunity to go on Artist Mode opened up - my Mama needed artworks for her bare walls, and a fantabulous arts & crafts supplies store was within walking distance from her home.  As a pleasant plus, top-quality art materials are much cheaper in the U.S. than back home, so it was fun to go shopping for ready-made canvases and paints.  

My Ma showed me a photo that she wanted me to use as a peg, and after four days, voici:

20x23 acrylics on canvas by me.

This, beside a painting made by my sister, now hangs in Mama's kitchen wall.  It's not quite done, as I would've wanted to add more detail and create more depth, but I needed to do a lot of packing that week.  I thus needed to curb my obsessive horror-vacui impulse and settle for the above finished product.  

Even if it isn't exactly as I intended it to be - and though it was a rather stressful week that week with all the packing and last-minute stuff going on - there's this sense of satisfaction over painting again.  At my core I know I'm an artist, and making visually interesting things feels like home to me.

home de-cluttering

I am once again at that juncture:  'tis the jolly season for de-cluttering (hooray!).  After watching a few episodes of Biography Channel's Hoarders,  I felt the impulse to clean out my closet, my shelves and most especially that unruly conglomeration of file boxes, doodads and whatzits squatting in our hallway.  I've already cleaned all those up in the past, but clutter tends to reproduce asexually when no one is looking, and you can end up with twice as much junk at the end of the year if you aren't careful to keep everything in their respective bins.

So here I go:

home de-cluttering tips

1. Take one room at a time, one day at a time.  Depending on your mess, you may take several days, so pace yourself.
   
   I started with the easiest room - the bedroom.  Then I slowly conquered the hallway.  Then I took a break and made strategies for the living room and dining area.
   
   Still strategizing.
   
   
2. Set up three huge boxes (or garbage bags).  Label one as "THROW AWAY", another as "RECYCLE", and the other as "DONATE TO CHARITY" or "GARAGE SALE".  You may even want another one marked "GIVE AWAY TO RELATIVE".  Pitch things in accordingly.
   
   
3. If you haven't touched it for more than a year, let it go.
   I gave up any illusions that I will someday fit into that slim pair of jeans.  Bye. I found a couple of dresses I wore back in college but can't possibly wear now without looking like I'm desperately trying to appear young.   Bye . That pair of shoes that always slices into my heels.   Bye. That cookie canister that has long been empty but is just too cute to throw away and is now eating shelf space. Bye. Silly useless kitsch gifts.   Bye .   Bye .   Bye .
   
   
4. If it's gross or useless, throw it away.  Especially if it's a health or fire hazard, forget sentimental value. Don't even think about fixing it up.  If you're having second thoughts about something, think about how you'll keep chancing upon it every time you clean the house, and how you'll always wonder whether to throw it away, so you might as well do it now.
   
   
5. Give stuff away.  I've previously said elsewhere that giving away your stuff is an antidote to selfishness (try it, it really works!).  If there's someone else who could appreciate it more, give it to that person.
   
   While I was sorting the old clothes in the garage, our driver picked up this sun dress saying how his teenage daughter happens to love that particular style.  I never was able to use that dress since I acquired it, and I gave up trying to fit into it a long time ago, so it's time to pass it on.  Not to the driver, ok - his daughter.
   
   Old clothes: Take them to your church.  Most churches have ongoing charity collections. But nix on the ball gowns and party stilettos.
   
   Old books: Donate to a library.
   
   
6. Hold a garage sale.  If you have a lot of stuff you no longer want but are still good, and it would seem too much of a waste to throw/ give them away, sell your second-hand items to your neighbors.
   
   It depends on your neighborhood, but you generally have to price things incredibly low, or they won't sell.  Unless of course they're genuine antiques or items of special interest.
   
   
7. Employ smart storage solutions for the stuff you do keep.  Candy-colored plastic storage boxes come in various sizes.  There are also a lot of sleek Ikea-ish shelving aids, and nifty things like pegs, racks and bins. 
   

... And after several days of going through our stuff, I'm still not done.  But it feels grrrrrreat to have more space in my closet already.  And I'm so proud of the fact that I singlehandedly defeated the evil dragon of debris that has been living in our hallway, using only a broom, some trash bags and storage bins. Now I'm thinking about painting the interior of the house a crisp, fresh white ...

the name "miranda"

Miranda isn't my birth name, but it's a name that I like. I've long disliked my real name and for a few years now I've been thinking about having it legally changed. I'm not a hundred percent sold on any new name yet so I haven't begun to do anything about it, but since I've been using Miranda for some time it's one of the strongest candidates.

Some of my friends speculated that it's from the Sex and the City character, or from the Parokya Ni Edgar vocalist - but that's not really where I got it. My source is a real simpler one.

Back in college, freshman year, there was a batch mate of mine who for some reason thought my real name was Miranda. I have no idea why. It sounded nothing like my name save for the first and last letters. Still I thought it had pretty sound; I remember thinking that it was a pity I didn't own it. The new nickname didn't catch on during my stay in college though, but I kept it in my pocket for future use.

I first employed the moniker Miranda a couple years ago when I needed to name my site on Multiply. Miranda has a nice ring to it, it looks cute when written and it's easy to recall. I've grown to love it ever since.

It also happens to mean something nice (I mean, when choosing a name, might as well get one that has a cool meaning, right?).

In Latin, it could mean wonderful, miraculous, admirable or extraordinary.

In Spanish, it means to see + to walk.

I've also read elsewhere it can mean peace or prosperity.

Miranda was created by Shakespeare for his play "The Tempest" from the feminine form of the Latin 'mirandus' (admirable, lovely), from the verb 'mirari' (to wonder at, to admire). This gives the meaning "she who must be admired".

Miranda is also the name of one of the satellites of Uranus. Though Uranus has 27 known satellites, five are considered major. Miranda is the smallest of these major satellites

So far, several sources agree that it was coined by Shakespeare and was not used as a name until the 20th century. In English-speaking countries it's a girl's name; in Spanish-speaking ones it's a surname. Imagine wearing a name created by Shakespeare.

My only problem with it is that it sounds too Western (or American at least), and if I used it with my surname I kinda think it sounds too artificial, almost porn-star-ish.

But overall I like it. Pretty cool. Right now I'm leaning toward having my name changed to Miranda for good (I mean, after I look into the legalities involved and get enough money to have the change made).

girls talk: work-related plans and love-related ones

I'm doing two entries in one today since I missed last week's girls talk.

work

It's been nearly four years since my last day of working in an office setting. Between that time and now, I have cheerfully concluded that I am not the kind of person who would flourish in rigid office-type job and I should not work at an office again, hahaha.

I've been working odd online tasks, but I've been thinking about really working again this year. I definitely would like to have a more stable income. Though I can boast that I can successfully manage my time, I'm not very good at managing stress, so I want a kind of job I can enjoy, preferably a part-time one.

I am glad that these days, due to the boom of jobs online, I have the options to work from home. Just this week I submitted an application for a part-time English tutor. It looks fun and practical enough. The pay isn't that big but it's at least bigger than what I make now, and more importantly it's regular income. I'm hoping and praying I get accepted (hey, maybe you can pray with me too ^_^ ). If I don't get accepted, I intend to look for something similar.


love life

The Hubby and I will be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary in June (I think we're old now, but I don't feel we're old, so I guess that's okay). We haven't really planned anything for the anniversary date itself , but we've been scheduling some trips this year.

Love isn't just in the big celebrations; it's also in the little day-to-day things. I therefore intend to do small, simple but deliberate gestures of showing my affection and appreciation for the Hubby every day. It's as easy as writing a random but purposeful note, or cooking some fruits into his oatmeal to make it special. I got this idea from Diana Hagee's book, The King's Daughter (a good read for every Christian lady); she calls it "one way every day". The point is just to intentionally show love in at least one way, every single day.

girls talk: planning for better health

I personally dislike making "New Year's Resolutions" just for the sake of having some at the beginning of the year, since resolutions usually fizzle out. I instead prefer to make practical plans. The former is an expression of good intentions, or things that should happen; while the latter entails definite, measurable, realistic objectives, or things I will make happen and how I will make them happen. The difference is that resolutions are vague and therefore have the tendency to fade into the background; plans and objectives are well-defined, time-bound and written and provide a referable "tracking system".

For the first week of January, we're girls talk-ing about what we hope for / plan for about our health.

This year I intend to get some physical exercise back into my routine. I used to walk on the treadmill regularly, but that all stopped when I noticed that our particular treadmill was too hard on the ankles (and then there was a convenient change in work schedules, so I decided to ditch walking altogether, haha). Recently though I noticed how much easier - and more fun - it is to take actual walks outside, especially with a good, comfortable pair of running shoes. I got the Hubby to be my "walking partner". We'll be walking at least twenty minutes, three times a week. After we get used to the routine, we'll increase it to thirty minutes, and then maybe to forty or an hour.

Health not only refers to physical health, am i right? With that in mind, I intend to maintain my emotional and mental health by continuing to do what I've been doing the past several years:

• Choose my friends. While anybody is welcome to be a friend, not everyone must be allowed in my inner circle. A woman's inner circle contributes to her personality, and I don't want anyone's negative vibes or misplaced values influencing me.
• Choose what I allow in my mind, because my thoughts shape my attitudes and so on. It pays to be discerning when it comes to simple things like books, movies, music and stuff. It's also good to be a critical thinker regarding the stories people tell, i.e., don't be an idiot.
  
  

About health - I was watching a rerun of "America's Next Top Model" last night, and the judges mentioned that true beauty lies in health. A truly beautiful person, they say, is really just a picture of good physical, emotional and mental health. With that definition of beauty, I aim to be a person who is beautiful and brings out beauty in others.

things are looking good

I had a difficult time falling asleep again last night so I gave in to an inspiration: I reviewed my 2008-2009 journal.

It always amuses me when I read stuff I've written in the past, even in the not-so-distant past (Too bad I threw away my journals from my teen years [they took up so much space]; those would have been fun to revisit). I was hoping that this particular journal could help me see how much ground I've covered in the past two years.

My logs began sometime in the last quarter of '08, and the last entry one was dated mid-'09, (around the time before my dad had his stroke; after that episode I recall I resorted to logging my thoughts online because I found it more convenient). There wasn't much in that journal, but the contents were enough for some perspective.

Reading what I had written, it was easy for me to see that life is much better now than it was two years ago, in most if not all aspects. The Hubby and I are in a better place in our lives; there is visibly more peace and joy and love. This is undeniably good. Even better than good.

The wisest decision the Hubby and I made was getting out of a toxic environment full of non-supportive people. It allowed a whole lot of room for more good things in our lives.

In that journal I also found our '08 wishlist. Though we still don't have the top item (which was / still is, our own home), I realize that we've already acquired most of the other things, such as a laptop, a DSLR and some other stuff we wanted. Cheers to us!

I also reviewed some of the prayers and prophecies concerning myself which I jotted down during that time-period. I think they are now in fulfillment - well, not every prayer / prophecy is happening right this moment, but I see some significant items coming to pass in the present. There are still a few that have yet to happen, and I am quite excited about them.

One very encouraging word I received was that I will make choices that will seem wrong to others, but I will be exactly where God wants me. Right now - despite the probability that there are others frowning upon us - I am convinced that the Hubby and I are where God wants us, and I am blessed and thankful.

In the following nights, I suppose I should visit my journals from as far back as 2000. I'm, sure I will be encouraged by the progress I've made.

two happy thawts in the same minute

My dad came home yesterday and provided me with two happy thawts within the same minute:


(1) My dad has just been promoted.

I think that's really cool, considering his age. I'm just a bit worried about his blood pressure and stress levels, but he assures us that there will be less stress in this job because he will have a lot of people working for him. Besides that, he gets to do less but will be paid more.


(2) He came home with something for me, from my ninong

The last time I saw my ninong was on my wedding day almost nine years ago, and the last time before that I was still a kid. Well, yesterday he handed his camera to my dad and said to give it to me, and now its mine. :) It's not a DSLR or anything, but it's a 12-megapixel idiot-friendly point-and-shoot. In a lot of ways it's more convenient than always having to borrow my sister's bulky 8-megapixel semi-DSLR.

Papa says my ninong must have been feeling guilty for not being around all these years, but I don't really mind. I don't mind either that he gives me a second-hand camera; I'm happy that he thought of me, and that I have a convenient "new" cam.

how sweet it is to be apologized to

I love the feeling of receiving a sincere apology, especially one that is expressed in an effort to save a valued relationship. When the sorry is sincere, there hardly is any need for explanations.

Which is why I post a little celebration in receiving one of the most sincere apologies I've received in a long time. Salve of joy. It's so healing, especially after wearing a stake through my soul about it for a long time.

level up

As of last Saturday, our youth pastoring days are officially over. We turned it all over to our friend and ministry partner J, who gladly and readily accepted.

I'd have to admit that it's rather a sad thing to have to end that chapter, but I'd also have to admit that in the mix of sentiments, excitement is prominent. I'm not all "praise the Lord" in denial about the sadness that I feel, but on top of the sadness is a rich optimism that we're on our way to something bigger and better. I think of it as a level up, flipping to a new exciting chapter of our lives that brings us closer to the climax.

And of course it's not really goodbye - we are still after all in the same church, and our relationships with the kids will be forever, except no longer as youth pastors. We will always be a part of their lives and they ours. In a way it is also a level up for them; as i explained it to them two weeks ago, now that they will be under J's leadership, and now that they are grown-up and well-trained, they are no longer spiritually-starved kids who come to church to be fed but co-workers with J to feed the younger, hungry kids.

As for the Hubby and I - well, as of this point anything is a possibility. We still have no idea what to do next, so we'll be taking time the next two months to pray and think about it. We can't see ourselves anywhere in the new structure of the church - yet - but that isn't such a bad thing because it opens up our options. We know we (both and individually) are cut out for full-time ministry, that's for sure; but that doesn't necessarily mean full-time employed in our local church, and it doesn't necessarily mean now, after 5 years of youth ministry. I've been feeling like a big fish in a small pond already, and though it scares me to move to a bigger pond - maybe even the sea - I'm quite excited.